Dear Bereaved Parents,
 |
The upcoming Christmas and Hanukah holidays are very difficult and painful days for bereaved parents, especially newly bereaved. These are family days and our families are no longer complete. We are painfully aware that there is one less person to buy gifts for, one less stocking to fill, and one very special person missing from our tables.
While the “outside” world is caught up in the excitement and merriment of the holidays newly bereaved parents are feeling intense pain and feelings of panic. You are left wondering “How can I possibly survive these days without my precious child?”
Bereaved Parents of the USA understands this and cares about you. Each of us who volunteers within this organization has also been faced with those very painful first holidays without our child. How we wish we had some “magic” to take away your pain. While there is no magic for us to give to you, we can give you our support and understanding.
We can tell you to be gentle and patient with yourself. Don’t put any more pressures on yourself or your family than you think you can handle. Don't let anyone tell you what you should or should not do during these days.
Remember you don’t have to shop, bake, send holiday cards, join in parties, put up a tree, decorate, do all your old family traditions or go to the big family dinner this year. Decide what is best for you and your immediate family. What will be the least painful way for you to handle the holidays?
Maybe you will decide that going away is the best way to make it through these days. Remember, as your heart slowly heals you can always go back to your family traditions or you may choose to continue with the new ones you make.
Decorate your child’s grave or put flowers on the alter of your church or synagogue. Keep your child’s memory alive by doing something for someone less fortunate in honor of your child. Don’t worry about what others think; hang your child’s stocking with the rest of the family's and put notes to your child in his/hers.
Allow yourself to grieve and feel the loss of your precious child. Don’t deny these feelings. Let the tears flow freely.
Also, allow yourself to feel any small pleasure that may or may not come your way this year.
Please remember that the anticipation of the holidays is many times more traumatic and painful than the actual day itself.
Most importantly we want you to know that this intense pain of the first holidays will not always be with you. Slowly, slowly your heart will heal and although your holidays will never be the same as before your child’s death, they will not always be this painful either.
The gifts that we of Bereaved Parents of the USA would like to give to you this year are Peace and Hope.
May memories of holidays gone by that you shared with your beloved child come to you and soften the pain that is in your heart.
With love and understanding to you,
Bereaved Parents of the USA